


Denial is not just a river in Egypt

by Aujourdhui_est_Parfait



Category: The Martian - Andy Weir
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-02 15:07:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5252783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aujourdhui_est_Parfait/pseuds/Aujourdhui_est_Parfait
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The crew has been back on Earth a few months and are settling into as normal a life as they can manage. This includes Mark hanging out with Chris. Possibly too much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Take Me Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is exhilarating to be back on Earth. Especially if you get to take the chance to ask that special someone out.

Chris woke up with a stabbing headache and groaned. What the fuck had he done last night? Just when he was starting to feel nauseous, he heard a voice come from his kitchen and froze. 

“Hey, you have South African parachute plants!” It was Mark. Chris felt the room spin. His head throbbed, he rubbed his eyes, and noticed he was in his underwear in his bed. On the ground just to his left he could see clothes that weren’t his. Mark’s voice continued to echo through the apartment, accompanied by purring kitchen equipment and cabinets being opened and closed in quick succession.

“You didn’t prune them!” Mark shouted. Mark could tell the plants had not gotten the love they deserved. They looked as if they had been bought in a store and placed immediately on the counter without any further thought, as if they were some piece of art. This was just too merciless, and Mark felt the need to give Chris the same treatment, so he continued to shout at him while patching them up as much as he could. “And the soil is much too wet. Did you water them with… water?! What the hell Chris, I thought you were smarter than that. Plants need food, not just water!” he scolded.

During Mark’s rant, Chris decided that they probably hadn’t slept together. Probably. At least it didn’t look like they did, but then what would that look like? His mind was not yet working at optimum capacity, and his memories were foggy at best. He remembered they’d gone drinking last night, he definitely threw up more than four times, there was a cab at some point… so Mark had come up with him? He decided to face the music and got out of bed. He stumbled ungracefully towards the kitchen.

“And you put them in the shade, they do need _some_ light,” Mark added while rummaging through a drawer. _Really, in a kitchen this big, who doesn’t own wooden skewers?_

“I thought they looked good on the counter. I can breathe on them more there, isn’t that a plus?” Chris said, slumping down on a chair. He thought back to his original motivation to buying them. Someday, he had hoped, Mark might come by and then they’d had something to talk about. Being scolded was not exactly what he had pictured at the time.

“Since that means you’re murdering them more slowly, no, that does not make it better,” Mark said, and offered him a mug with coffee. He figured Chris would be more receptive to his expert judgment once he woke up properly. He saw so many improvements to make in his apartment, not just the parachute plants. Which were the only plants, to begin with. Far too few to provide a healthy fresh oxygen level.

Chris gratefully accepted and inhaled the smell. It was still too hot to drink, but nice to hold. He stared after Mark who moved out of the kitchen and walked back to the bedroom. To his surprise and sudden dread, Mark was also in his underwear. 

“You really need to invest in a couch. Makes for much less awkward sleepovers,” Mark said. He could feel Chris’ gaze burning through his back as he bent to pick up his clothes. Maybe he should tease him a bit, especially given his drunk ramblings the night before. Mark deemed it a just reward for himself. 

“About that, what happened? I don’t remember much,” Chris said, still eyeing him through the doorway as Mark started to put his pants on. He congratulated himself how extremely casual he made it sound.

“We spent several hours making epic, passionate love, how could you forget?” Mark called out, grinning. He felt fully entitled to enjoy this part.

_It_ has _to be lies_. “No, seriously! I have no memory! How did _this_ happen?” Chris asked desperately, gesturing at both their lack of clothing. He would seriously freak out if anything like that had really happened, above all since he would have forgotten everything. 

“First of all, I’m offended you think I’d be the type to take advantage of you, as I was very responsibly not as drunk as you were. For that, I’m taking this shirt,” Mark said, and pulled something out of Chris’ closet. He decided to stop teasing and give Chris the entire report, which would be almost as fun but would maybe make Chris look slightly less panicked. He much preferred the happy confident Chris from last night. “Secondly, after you had graciously vomited slightly over yourself but mostly on the sidewalk just outside your building, and thankfully not in the cab, I dragged you upstairs, dumped your body on the bed, removed your icky clothes and put them in the washer. You may want to turn that on soon. Then, seeing as you so fashionably have gone for a minimalistic zen design in this apartment, and it being late and me having no interest in trying to get another cab to come out into the middle of nowhere to come get me, I took the only other available place to sleep. Which is your spacious two-person bed. After all that work hauling you around, I earned that. So bite me.” Mark walked back fully dressed and sat down next to Chris, taking an already prepared mug of his own, and slightly hoping he would get bitten.

“No, no, that’s all fine. Thanks for all that. Just… I didn’t…um… do anything weird?” Chris asked. He had to be sure.

“What, like stick your tongue in my ear?” Mark laughed. Was that an innocent enough suggestion? “You were an unconscious zombie! Why do you think you would do anything weird?” 

“No, it’s just, I seriously don’t remember, that’s all. And I’d like to know if there’s anything at all I should apologize for,” Chris said. He was definitely not going to hear the end of this any time soon.

“Other than me having to heave your lumpy body around, not much. Hey, I’m not complaining. I’m gaining a very fine, hopefully authentic Queen t-shirt from this,” Mark said, admiring the tight fit on himself. He was not going to reveal what Chris had unintelligibly whispered about having a space boner if Chris wasn’t comfortable with his feelings when soberly conscious. Besides, he had no way of telling how serious he had meant it.

“It suits you,” Chris mumbled, facing away so Mark wouldn’t notice him blushing, but Mark’s eyes had caught the parachute plants again and lit up. 

“I’m gonna Watney your plants,” Mark said, proud to use the verb based on his accomplishments.

“I’m going to shower and get dressed,” Chris said. He was immeasurably happy Mark was preoccupied with his plants. And that he hadn’t showered in his apartment. Or walked around naked. Those were things Mark could definitely decide to do though. _I have to stop thinking about him naked. I have to get him out of here._ Buying the parachute plants had definitely turned against him. He left the mug and walked to the bedroom, eyeing the sheets suspiciously once more.

“Don’t worry, I won’t peek,” Mark coyly shouted from the kitchen. _Unless you give permission._

Chris closed his bedroom door. 

_Darn it._ Mark began to explore the other rooms and hallway compartments for usable parts in his new miniature construction project.

After his slightly cold shower, dressing and clearing off the bed sheets, Chris rejoined Mark who had just finished placing his plants in the windowsill and went back to sit at the counter.

“See, you gotta lace them up so they have something to climb on. They’ll be fine, all thanks to my magic touch - and not your slow-kill treatment,” Mark said enthusiastically. He was rather proud of the semi-ladder he had latched together.

“Thanks,” Chris said, smiling apologetically. It was definitely not good to be classified a near-plant-killer.

Mark studied Chris’ level of consciousness. _Yes, I have you now. Undrunk, unsleeping and in my favor._ “You know, you should date,” Mark said, failing to hide a smile.

“Got anyone in mind?” Chris asked, raising an eyebrow at the abrupt change in topic. Off of plants no less. His coffee had finally cooled down to a drinkable temperature so he mainly focused on drinking that.

_How about me? Nope, way too forward. Start more general._ “How about… someone from the pile of people sending me marriage proposals? You can check out the women, you know I’m not checking them out. Or any of them actually. This whole meeting people through letters isn’t really my thing. I prefer meeting people face to face,” Mark said. He cursed himself for straying off topic. 

“That’s the idea though, isn’t it? You read their letters and choose who you’d like to meet in person,” Chris said. _Classic Mark, doing everyone favors and sharing resources, even if it was… marriage proposals._

“Nah, I think I’d rather… meet someone through work. Have similar life experience,” Mark laughed. “As far as that goes…” He eyed Chris suggestively.

“Picky,” Chris said, taking another sip. He was still waiting for the caffeine to kick in.

_Even if he doesn’t go for it, I might as well set him up with someone he’d like, his breakup has been bad enough._ “Yup, they’re all wasted on me. So who would you like to meet?” Mark asked. 

“Oh, any of them would do,” Chris said blinking slowly. He judged it too early for deep analytical thinking.

_Wait, what?_ “Hang on… so you weren’t kidding, back on Hermes, when I first received these?” Mark asked. 

“What?” Chris was not following his line of thought. 

“I thought you were kidding when you said you could be interested in any of them,” Mark said. He distinctly recalled it, four months out from Earth, Mark already handing them out to the crew to take them home and distribute them among their other botany or astronautics related friends, which got everyone sneering at the sheer volume and making comments, but Chris’ was the one that had stood out. After everyone had stated some kind of preference, in jest of course, Chris had said he’d be happy to take care of whoever would be left over, if anyone. He had thought there was no way Chris could have been slightly serious about that, could he?

_Too late to backtrack._ “Nope” Chris said into his mug, suddenly preoccupied with studying the contents. He didn’t like where this conversation was going and was starting to get defensive.

“So you like both men and women?” Mark had to ask.

“Occasionally. I mean, it’s not like I just like everyone,” Chris said frowning. He was giving himself a headache. _Just make whatever joke and get it over with._

“Right, right.” Mark was smiling widely. _Big news. Terrific news. Life changing news. And this was finally an honest answer._

Chris noticed Mark’s breathing had sharply increased and he was looking at him intensely, beaming. Like a cat about to pounce. _Oh no._

“Would you go out with me?” Mark asked.

“That… is a terrible idea,” Chris said, rubbing his forehead.

“Terri-bly awesome?” Mark tried. That had not been the reaction he was going for. He fought the strong urge to run away or jump out of the window. At least, he reasoned, if he could play it off as a joke they might still be awkward friends?

“I _just_ got out of a suddenly widely monitored and not so much officially applauded relationship,” Chris said. Despite his best intentions, the realities of loving someone while being photographed on every street corner had not exactly turned him in the kindest human being, or the nicest partner. The so-called ‘media instructions’ from NASA, the impending military reprimands and the ‘sexy space slut’ Halloween costumes had not been helpful. 

“Which ended over two months ago?” Mark asked. He still couldn’t believe they hadn’t told him when it happened, or at least, sooner than last night. Sure, they had wanted to spare him bad news, but people sometimes grew apart, right? He felt worse being excluded from being told when significant things like this happened. Maybe it meant Chris didn’t want to date anyone yet though.

“Yup.” Chris knew it was pointless to stop Mark once he got an idea in his head, so he had to get some arguments in there somewhere before Mark would let off. 

But Mark figured he could give it another shot. “And Beth is dating her, what was it, second boyfriend already?”

“Who has nothing to do with NASA!” Chris said. 

_If that’s all that it takes…_ “Oh. Guess I’ll just have to quit my job then,” Mark smirked.

“The entire world, no, solar system, is watching you. It’s just impossible.” Chris ran a hand through his hair. Was he even getting through to him?

“Hah, if everyone thinks that way, I’ll never get laid,” Mark pouted.

Apparently he wasn’t. “I’m sure in that stack of proposals there’s someone who doesn’t care about that.”

“But I don’t care about them,” Mark said, batting his eyes.

There was absolutely no way Chris was going to open up about his feelings just because Mark suddenly came up with the idea to date. He could still be joking, he always found it hard to tell with Mark. He had to shut this down. “Look, you can’t just decide on a whim that us dating is the best idea ever without thinking about all the consequences, for you, for me, for future astronauts, for NASA, for… people…”

Mark was silent for a while, all the time smiling, and Chris glanced up at him to see him weighing options in his mind. 

Chris hadn’t flat out said no. He had to be more obvious about his intentions. Mark looked away and slowly said “What if it’s not on a whim?”

Chris rubbed his mouth. _No…._

“What if it’s something I’ve considered for a longer time?” Mark continued. 

Chris inhaled deeply and switched back to rubbing his forehead. He was not ready for this. Ever.

Seeing his pained expression, Mark got up. “Tell you what, how about you-“

“How long,” Chris stated the question. He looked up at Mark.

Mark stood for a while, deciding on whether to answer honestly or not. He decided yes. “Pre-selection.”

“That’s long-… that is long.” Chris narrowly prevented himself from saying ‘longer than I have’.

Mark spread his hands. “So now you know I’m serious. I want to date you. Think about it. Let me know when you figure it out,” Mark said and started to walk to the front door. 

Chris had aught on too late Mark was about to leave without him being able to process what had just happened. “Wait, Mark-”

Mark was already through the door when he shouted back “I’ll text you about the plants!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Playlist for this chapter](http://8tracks.com/aresiii/come-one-take-me-out)  
>  Update: Oh would you look at that! I found out how to add italics '^^ Thank you 8 wonderful people who liked chapter 1 without italics!
> 
> My apologies to Mr. Weir for not using his suggested OTP. Bro-tanist is as far as I got. 4 more chapters coming this year :D  
> (I'm in Japan. That means I'm fucked. In a way it's like being stranded on Mars a bit... The theatrical version of the Martian is not released until February 5 2016, so this is book-verse. Civil War will be released April 29, so no need for pity ;) )
> 
> For those who like more playlists:  
> [Awesome positivity playlist](http://8tracks.com/aresiii/exhilarated-being-back)  
> Please yes always recommend me more songs that fit with these themes ^_^ 
> 
> What do you mean, this is not how you write notes? How would I know? This is my first time! Yay!


	2. A Wonderful Guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris gets a phone call with instructions and he immediately regrets following them.

Chris had just scheduled an extra appointment with his therapist for the following day to deal with all the commotion Mark’s invitation had stirred in him, when his phone buzzed. He picked it up checked to see who the caller was. Relieved it wasn’t Chris, he answered. “Hi Beth.”

“You’re at home? Good. Turn on your tv, channel 24/7 science news, that your… number 31.”

“How do you even remember the configuration of- oh.” Of course she would know which network was programmed to which channel, but that was not was surprised him. On his screen, being interviewed, was the object of his still secret affections, nearly bouncing off his chair. Mark.

“What do you think? He’s glowing, isn’t he?” Beth asked.

“This is bad,” he said, thinking aloud. 

“Weird right? Even the presenter noticed. Now the shocker: he _just_ told her something like; he has found a meaningful reason to live on Earth, something to make it all worthwhile, like how serious is that? To be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if he starts jumping on the couch,” she paused to confirm the next interview question was still work-related, but the interviewer had failed to interrupt Marks third monologue on his upcoming desert botany experiment. “Do you know anything about this? He said it was not work related,” Beth continued. “Hey wait, wasn’t he supposed to visit you, was that last night? What happened? Tell me everything!”

“ _Nothing_ happened,” Chris said. He wildly gestured with his arm even though he knew she couldn’t see him.

“Oh come on. What did you talk about? He started this interview by apologizing for going out and staying up late last night. That has to have been with you. Which bar did you guys go? I know you have no couch back home, so what hotel did you dump him at after? What did he say about this ‘special life motivation’?” 

He had to stop this mess now. “ _Nothing happened!_ I’ll call you back,” Chris said, and looked for the end call button. 

“You never-” *CLICK* Chris switched the phone to silent and threw it through the open spaced living room down the hallway. It thudded against the front door. He sighed deeply and looked at the tv, where the interviewer had finally managed to regain control of the conversation.

“Now, about you finding meaningful existence here on Earth, you said it involves something outside of your work for NASA and other organizations?” Chris watched her ask.  
“You could say that,” Mark said.  
“Could it be you’ve found someone special to spend your time with? That’s something many people are wishing for you. I know I am.”  
“Thanks! Well, I can’t say much about it, but yeah, I sure hope that’s the case,” Mark said, grinning widely.  
“Is there anything you could tell us about your special someone?”  
“Hmm, no I don’t think so. You see, I’m not quite sure yet how mutual the feeling is. And I’d much rather ah… have them make up their own mind, you know, without any public interference,” Mark said. He looked mischievously at the audience and added “He works at NASA, that’s all I’m saying.”

_Oh_ fuck.

The audience clapped and whistled loudly. The interview did not get a chance to come to completion, so after a minute of chaotic cheering commercials were started. 

‘ _He’s talking about me_ ,’ Chris thought, and felt his cheeks grow warm. He sat down on the floor and stared at his hands, wondering how any of this was really happening. He ignored his phone, which buzzed for a whopping 12 minutes. _It’s going to be a long therapy session._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you like circularity? Let me know!  
> Here's the [Chapter 2 playlist](http://8tracks.com/aresiii/we-were-victims-of-the-night), please add your suggestions ^_^


	3. You got it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Question time!  
> “Thanks for taking my question! Um… Do you think it’s acceptable for an astronaut to date a fellow astronaut?”

“Okay, next question.” Chris was attending the MIT special student lecture series on their ARES III mission and still had 10 minutes of questions to go. Then he would recap with the moderator, shake hands and try to quickly weasel over to the main hall, which was reserved for the next session with both Mark and Rick, and quietly listen to them from the back. At least, that was his plan.

The next question proved that he would have no such luck, as it was not posed by another student. “Hi, um, my name is Mark Watney and I-”

Chris’ eyes shot up in dread, which no one noticed as the whole room looked at where Mark was standing and began to cheer and applaud. He inhaled sharply and decided he had to be resolute in not allowing this type of behavior, and pointed to Mark. “Not you! You already know everything there is to know about living in space and on Mars. You don’t have a question. Next question please,” he called to the moderator, who did not in any way seem cooperative and looking for another person to give the floor to.

“I _do_ have a question!” Mark insisted, pouting undignified. All he needed was one opening and he would demonstrate his super romancing skills.

Chris hoped that if he just continued to negate Mark, the moderator would understand and go to the next person. “You don’t get to steal the time of these hard working students who have actual questions on what it’s like to experience space and all the science involved. You can go last,” Chris said and smiled triumphantly. _That’s right, I have the floor, and I’ll just take so much time answering the next question we’ll run out of time and regretfully don’t have to deal with your nonsense._

Mark sat back down, but Chris’ plan backfired as over 15 students lowered their hands, and the few remaining got pulled down by their neighbors. His confidence dropped along with their hands. “Come on, that’s impossible; you just had lots of questions. I saw at least 10 hands,” he said.

Mark had kept his hand up, looking around and smiling expectantly. He was definitely going to ride his fame and abuse it to his benefit on this occasion. He was confident no one would mind either.

When no one else raised their hands, Chris had to relent, dreading what was to come. “Fine.” He took a deep breath. “Mark, what’s your question?”

“Thanks for taking my question! Um… Do you think it’s acceptable for an astronaut to date a fellow astronaut?” The audience gasped. 

“In principle? Sure,” Chris said, earning a few whistles from the room.

“And uh... do you think-” Before he could continue, Chris cut him off.

“Nope, that was it. You got your one question. Since no one else had any questions, that concludes this part of the session. Thank you very much everyone, it was an honor to be here and meet you. I fully enjoyed being here and I loved all your questions, except _yours_ ,” Chris said and pointed to Mark again, which won him some laughs along with applause. He briefly thanked the moderator, returned the microphone and escaped off stage to find a back corridor. 

_Hah, that didn’t go as planned. At all._ Mark sat back flabbergasted, realizing he had needed two openings after all. He would have to rethink his strategy later though, as he had to refocus on plotting the shortest path to Chris whilst not knocking people over. 

Navigating the hallways of MIT was not Chris’ forte, and while he managed to sprint past most of the students who were hoping for a quick autograph, he headed for the first door with an emergency exit sign above it when he spotted Mark heading his way. The door closed behind him, and he cursed as he noticed he could not lock the door from the other side, obvious as it should have been. He couldn’t help but feel angry about his lack of control of anything in his current situation. Better to accept his fate, and try to get through the next conversation without punching Mark for all his obnoxiousness. 

Mark slipped through the door and leaned against it in the hope no one else would burst through. He took in Chris’ set jaw, deep breathing, and constantly clenching and de-clenching fingers, and his mind shot back to step 1 of ‘showing your interest in other people: confirm your attention is desired by those you give it to’. “Am I… stalking you?” Mark asked, trying to be playful about it. 

Chris crossed his arms. “Hmm, let’s see. You’ve been sending me like 4 to 22 messages of crazy animals and whatnot every day, you subscribed all of us to a crew-only music playlist now filled with lovey-dovey songs, you keep forwarding me links to interviews with you that somehow always mention what an awesome guy you would be to date, and now you show up and practically ask me in public to date you,” Chris said, sounding not too happy about the last part. 

“I didn’t ask you,” Mark began.

“Because I didn’t let you,” Chris said. 

“You don’t know what I was going to ask,” Mark said, feigning innocence. 

Chris gestured to him nonchalantly. “Fine. Ask away.”

Mark had not expected he would feel this bad about asking his question, knowing now that the answer would likely be negative. “Alright… I see now that I was a bit stalky. I’m sorry. I’ll stop. I’ll leave you alone,” Mark said. He might even mean it too. There was no way he wanted to hurt Chris, even if it meant not seeing him at all.

“Ah, don’t stop with the animals, I like those. I mean, you don’t have to leave me alone or anything like that,” Chris said. _No, please don’t leave._

Mark scratched his head. That wouldn’t do, he needed a clear yes or no. “You know, if you don’t want to date me, if you think there’s nothing here, it’s no problem. Just tell me no. It’s as simple as that. I’m an adult, I can handle it.” Lies. He knew it the second he said it. He’d probably spend a few weeks trying not to drive himself off a cliff, or more realistically, preventing himself from confiscating enough drugs to peacefully drift away. One way or another, he would get over it, but of course he’d much rather not have to. He closed his eyes. _Just bite the bullet._

“No, it’s…I just think… my private life should be _private_ ,” Chris said. Was he getting through to him this time? With overly enthusiastic fans, reporters and mostly paparazzi still following most of their moves, privacy was very tough to implement as Chris’ relationship with Beth had proved. He had no intention of ever going through that again.

Mark was well aware of Chris’ mostly hateful relationship with the media in that regard and frowned as he considered what it would mean in practice. “Even if that means it’s non-existent?” Mark asked.

Chris nodded slowly but deliberately. 

Mark mimicked his nodding. “Okay, I can work with that.” 

“What?” Chris asked, taken aback. 

“You think I can’t keep a secret?” Mark said, mockingly offended. _I can do so much, you’ll see. Just let me prove it._

“You’re kind of wearing your heart on your sleeve these days,” Chris said and rolled his eyes.

“Hey, I’m a great liar. I told _no one_ about my feelings for years. _For years_.” _Let that sink in._

Much to his annoyance, Chris began rubbing his forehead, which Mark had dubbed Chris’ ‘processing’ mode. Mark sighed. He had no interest in trying to date Chris if he wasn’t even sure how Chris felt about him. He had to have Chris say it for him to start finally getting over him. “It’s okay Chris, if you don’t feel the same-”

“No, I do. It’s just…” It had escaped him before he realized how it would affect Mark.

“You _do_?” _!!!!1!_

_Oh boy. Might as well confess._ “Yeah. I mean, it’s not… pre-selection... more like… some time during the underwater training sessions…” Chris mumbled. He’d gotten nervous and averted his eyes. 

“Seriously?” Mark shouted. “Wow! This is the best day of my life. Well okay, maybe number 2 or 3. Or number 1, I can’t choose now… oh wow.” Mark started pacing to release the sudden rush of energy. 

Chris could manage little else but stare at Mark and blush all over. It wasn’t exactly how he had imagined admitting his feelings, in fact he had preferred not to do that at all, but this reaction was pretty nice.

Mark found it was fantastic, Chris also liking him. For years. Amazing. He slowly began to go over the implications and abruptly stopped pacing. “Oh wow, how _stupid_ of me to set you up with Beth. But hey, you did really like her, right?” Mark said. No harm there, he was sure that would only give him kudos in the long run. Hold on, he had to think short run first. 

“Yeah I do. I mean I did. I did,” Chris said. He became confused. _Why are we talking about her? What is he thinking? Oh wait, fuck._ “You _do_ get the part where I’m not saying yes to dating you, right?” Chris asked, holding up his hand.

“Oh, that’s okay. Even if we never do anything about it, this is the best thing _ever_!” Mark said, barely keeping his voice down. 

Chris looked around panicking if anyone was around to hear them, but he saw no one. What did Mark say? “Even… if we _never do anything_ …?” Chris asked. _He must be joking._

“Yeah! We both like each other, how rare is that? It’s fantastic!” Mark shouted. He could not contain himself, even though he knew very well he had to in order to keep what he had found.

“So you’re fine with not doing anything…?” Chris asked. He had to be sure about what was going on in Mark’s head. 

“Well, it’s obviously not my first choice, but just knowing this… wooh!” Mark shouted. 

Just then Rick came around the corner. “Where’s my bro-tanist?” he asked, spreading his arms. “Starting a party without me?”

“Never!” Mark said, and hi-fived him.

“So what’s the reason you’re shouting?” Rick asked.

Mark paused shortly before shouting “I’m alive!” Being grateful and enjoying of the gift of life usually worked out as justified excuse for his wilder antics. 

“You’re a-something alright! Now let’s go, our moderator’s freaking out, and you know how the commander feels about sending people to come get you,” Rick laughed, raising his eyebrows at Chris, who waived them off. 

Mark and Rick took off talking privately, but Chris did catch Mark looking back over his shoulder briefly and winking at him. He sighed, realizing Mark would now be very unlikely to ever stop asking his question, even if it would be in secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a new chapter, hope you enjoy it! Two more to come.  
> [Playlist for this chapter](http://8tracks.com/aresiii/i-can-t-believe-i-captured-your-heart)
> 
> If anyone thinks in exclamation marks and one's, it's gotta be Watney.


	4. State of Grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Media-phobia is getting to Chris, while Mark plants his roots in love.

Mark nearly asking him out in front of a room filled with over a hundred academic space enthusiasts, not to mention a live recording going viral, had inspired quite a few public discussions Chris had managed to steer clear from the past weekend, mainly by calling in sick and not responding to any messages. He was not about to break that pattern just because he had to meet with the crew on their monthly who-does-what-for-the-press meeting. He decided that staying in the bathroom before the meeting started would give him a high chance of avoiding to mention any of those discussions taking place, while the former crew would share their life updates in the meeting room. He splashed some water on his face and tried to muster courage when the door swung open.

_There he is._ “Chris, hey,” Mark said. Finally a chance to redeem himself. He leaned against the sink and watched Chris finish washing his hands, distinctly not looking back at him. 

_Of course you can’t run from a guy in the men’s room. Stupid stupid stupid. What was I thinking._ “Hi,” Chris said, coughing to clear his throat. 

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” Mark said. He had made an official statement on his blog how it was wrong of him to bother his former crew members with messages meant for other people not present in the room, abusing everyone’s work hours and thinking he was funnier than he really was, which the world wasn’t exactly buying yet. Many still voted Chris in the ‘who did Mark Watney want to ask out?’ polls. “I wanted to tell you in person. I shouldn’t have taken up the time of those students, and I shouldn’t have asked you in public. Big mistake. All on me.” He was fully aware that the public backlash was not doing him any favors in winning over Chris, when he didn’t want anyone to know about his feelings. It would take baby steps. 

Chris nodded, staring at the floor. “I accept your apology,” he said. For tough conversations the examples from ‘NASA’s guide on interpersonal relations’ always came though. He did mean it. If only he could have any faith in Mark not ever telling anyone anything. Ever. Ever. He looked up at Mark.

_One down._ Now he had to pose a big question, so he could sleep again at night. Or not. “Have you thought about going out with me?”

Chris swallowed hard. “Yeah…” he said, averting his eyes. Mainly about how impossible it would be.

“Obviously it would not really be going _out_ ,” Mark continued, before waiting for an answer. He wanted to make it sound good, no, _spectacular_. He settled to aim for a _little bit_ spectacular. “More like staying _in_ , so no one would see us. We could meet up somewhere private, and hold hands, watch a movie, have some Italian food, stare into each other’s eyes, maybe even… kiss a bit…. Would you like any of that?”

Chris felt there was simply no way he could do the things he thought Mark would want and deserve out of a relationship, or even causal dating. “I’m not ready,” Chris said, shaking his head. “You should… find someone else.” He stared at his own feet. 

There it was, a challenge. Again, it wasn’t a no, but another insecurity to work through. Mark felt fully prepared for it. “Luckily that‘s up for me to decide on, and I disagree. I’m happy waiting, even if it’s for something that will never happen, so there’s no pressure either way. I’m where I want to be in life. This is it. This is what I want to do. You can’t get rid of me so easily,” he said, smiling confidently.

Before Chris could think of a reply, the door burst open and a not too happy Melissa was staring at them. “The meeting has started, gentlemen!”

“Aye aye, commander!” Mark said. He pushed himself off the sink and followed her, winking back at Chris. He considered trademarking it as a signature move. 

Chris squeezed his eyes shut. _I should not like it so much when he does that._

*****

“Alright everyone, we’re down to the last four items on the list,” Annie said. She was pleased everyone had been swift to cooperate on the running issues so far, even if there had been some tension in the room. Mostly she was happy Mark had dealt with all media issues arising from his stunt by himself and had appeared genuinely and continuously apologetic. She merely had had to issue a statement that whatever NASA personnel does in their private time is their own business, provided they keep it from interfering with anyone’s work duties. Since Mark had very eagerly participated in most every aspect of media relations since returning to Earth so far, it had bought him some goodwill, so this one crazy bout of affection could be excused. Provided this had been the end of it. “The next item is about promoting international bisexual awareness week. Mark, you’ve previously promoted the Saudi pride parade which was generally well received. Now, the international equal rights alliance is calling for supportive personal messages from bisexual role models and they’re requesting specifically that-”

“There is absolutely no one on our crew who can give a message regarding that type of event,” Mark interrupted, raising the palm of his hand to her to emphasize a ‘stop’ sign. “I mean, they’re obviously looking for someone who’s out and proud and bisexual, but I’m super gay. We are all fully aware of the lack of human rights in certain areas of the world and what people are going through on a day to day basis, and while we could certainly pledge our support as allies, this type of role model message is beyond our abilities. Isn’t it, commander?” Mark asked, turning to Melissa for support. He was not going to let Chris get dragged into anything on account of his poor choice of behavior.

Their former commander was well aware of what has transpired at MIT and Mark’s attempts at explaining he had tried being romantic for someone who was viewing the broadcast. She kept her doubts private as usual and loyally followed suit to present a united front. “Yes. As far as I’m aware this crew is not in the position to be the type of role model that they’re looking for.”

“Well, they’re not asking the whole crew, they’re asking if Chris can-ow!” Annie suddenly cried out.

“Sorry, my foot slipped” Beth said with her best annoyed poker face. Her relationship with Chris might have ended, but her protectiveness of him had not. 

“Really,” Annie said, rubbing her leg and glaring at her.

However, the main coordinator of the Ares III media relations did not have any patience for whatever childish games the team was playing today. “Let’s keep things moving. Chris, what is your answer?”

Chris had been staring at a non-existing point right through the table, his lip trembling. Knowing that everyone was now looking at him, waiting for him to give a reply, he gave the first honest answer to come up in his mind. “I’d rather go back to Mars,” he mumbled, but as everyone had been silently anticipating his answer, it was loud enough for all to hear. The crew flinched, except for Mark, who slowly balled his fists and squeezed his mouth shut. He knew that at the very least, this would be thought of as an ‘extremely uncool’ thing to say. As people kept looking at each other, trying to determine who should say something, Chris fled the meeting room before getting any more questions.

*****

“What are you doing here? This is the men’s rest room” Chris groaned. He saw no point in hiding his red eyes from his ex-girlfriend. 

Beth had swung the door open and made sure to close it behind her. “Oh I don’t see any in here right now. Just two people. How are you doing?” she asked matter-of-factly, walking up to him to look him over.

“I’ve been better,” Chris said, rubbing his face. He had to accept she was here, just talk a bit, and then she might leave him alone again.

“Does your therapist know?” Beth asked. 

Know _what exactly?_ He may once have let slip liking guys, but not liking anyone in particular. He wasn’t going to fall for her fishing for more information than she already knew. “My- yes, she knows everything. She’s even bisexual herself, if that makes you feel any better.”

“Does it make _you_ feel better?” Beth continued. 

“Yes. It does.” He was surprised to realize this, especially since it would make sense for him to talk to someone who understood him on a personal level.

“Good. Now because you were acting all weird and uptight, you’d better have some explanation that doesn’t involve anything you don’t feel comfortable disclosing. Got any ideas?”

“How about I’m hella annoyed with people expecting things from me and making assumptions based on rumors?” Which was true, even if the rumors were also true. 

“We could work with that. Let’s go. You gotta apologize for mentioning Mars like that. And the sooner, the better,” Beth said.

Chris sighed. “I really said that, huh.” He then realized she wasn’t here to check up on him or to make him feel better, but to get him back out there immediately so people were less likely to think it was something big. Which it was. 

“You can cry about it later, okay?” Beth asked.

Yup, she definitely wanted to pull him right back out. Chris sighed. “Okay, I’m ready.”

“Not looking like that you’re not,” she said, combing through his hair. “You’d better up your ante if you ever want to go public,” Beth said.

“Nope. Never.” 

“The correct response was, ‘with what?’ Learn from me, sweety. People still ask me everything about our relationship. And I do mean everything,” Beth said, walking to the exit where she paused to wait for him so they could walk back together.

Chris sighed and followed her out. Better to get this over with and pretend it never happened in the first place. He put on his best ‘mildly annoyed’ face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a yo-yo going up and down. Last chapter will go up, up, up!
> 
> [Playlist for this chapter](http://8tracks.com/aresiii/now-that-s-what-i-call-faith)


	5. Light my fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh god, there's kissing!

“Three whole minutes, big whoop. So, what brings you here?” Mark asked, feigning disinterest. As if he hadn’t been hoping Chris would want to discuss something with him, possibly with positive results? He had allowed himself to hope so, a little bit. Even if Chris had seemed utterly demotivated the last time they talked, he had to hang on to something. And he thought Chris did look a bit different now, much more jumpy. Was that a good thing? He exercised great effort in closing the door behind him with normal speed. 

Chris had managed to pull him backstage in a private corridor just between presentations on NASA’s new Earth orbiter, without too many other people noticing it was him who had asked Mark to chat. So far it had started as ideal as he had planned. “Ah… just wanted to ask how you’re doing,” Chris said, running a hand through his hair and mentally rehearsing how he’d imagined this conversation to go. Start casually, play it cool. 

“Well, for one, I’m starting to run out of songs on my [playlist](http://8tracks.com/aresiii/when-i-think-of-you). What do you think, should I change the theme of the playlist, or scour the depths of music history for more similar songs?” Mark smiled. In all honesty, he had tried falling out of love with Chris, but he had found he wasn’t capable of that. The only thing he could control was how to act on his feelings. So he had decided a more blatantly obvious playlist would push things in the right direction. Or at least, any direction. Either way, he felt it would really help him to get more clear answer on what would be acceptable to do.

“Nah, they’re… I like them. Don’t change it,” Chris blushed. He knew very well they mostly referred to Mark’s feelings for him exclusively, even if their entire crew had gotten invited into the group stream. 

“Yay!” Mark said, and pumped his fist in the air. That was promising. The playlists weren’t exactly ‘not doing anything’, but he hoped Chris accepted this tiny gesture. And that Mark could do more. 

“But um… ‘Electric Six’? Really? That’s a bit too much. Please don’t start any nuclear wars,” Chris grinned.

Mark laughed. “Okay, okay, toning it down a bit, got it.” He made a mental note to review the lyrics of ‘Sex Bomb’ as well and see if he should possibly replace it with something cutesier. 

Chris took a deep breath. _Okay, here goes._ “Hey Mark, um… would you-” Chris started to ask.

“Yes,” Mark interrupted loud and clear. This was the game he could keep up for a long time. _I’m sure and I’ll_ keep _being sure. Deal with it._

“You don’t even know what I’m going to ask,” Chris laughed nervously. 

“Doesn’t matter. Anything. Anything’s fine. Make sure it’s something I can do, though. I can’t give any promises on world peace and whatnot,” Mark said.

“Right, okay…” Chris said and fumbled his ear. 

“You could ask me to be your personal slave and I’ll say yes. I might need some time to adjust to that type of lifestyle though, but I’ll say yes,” Mark said. Was this too much? He felt it was true though, so it should be said. Mark turned to the doorway, starting to hum and pretending to be patient. 

“Ah, okay… I might need to revise my question….” Chris said unsure. He thought it over for a moment but decided against it. No more Mark bringing him off course, he had made up his mind and he was going to stick to his plan. “Okay, I won’t. Would you be interested in dating me secretly?”

Mark turned to face him. He had been hoping for something like this. “You mean…. Lying to _everyone_? To the whole world and everyone floating around it? To NASA? To my parents? To the crew?” He balled his fists and raised his arms in excitement. “Oooh that means we get to lie to the _Commander_!”

“Yup. And you _have_ to lie to Martinez,” Chris added pointedly.

“ _You_ have to lie to Johanssen,” Mark smirked.

“Oh I am so up for that,” Chris said, rolling his eyes up. “Don’t get too explicit in the playlist,” he added.

“You have my total and utter cooperation and trust,” Mark said, holding his hand over his chest as if it were an official pledge. 

Chris almost believed him. As long as he understood the rules. “It also means keeping nothing documented, nothing traceable. No hand written notes, no emails, no electronic messages, no videos, no-”

“No dick pics?” Mark said, pouting. 

“No! No dick pics!” Chris laughed.

“Not even from somebody else?” Mark tried.

“No! Absolutely not! Why would I want to see that?” Chris said, and squinted his eyes. 

“I can work with that,” Mark said, refocusing on the proposal. He was bustling with energy and could barely keep standing still. “You said _dating_ ,” Mark beamed. “That implies more than once.”

“Aah…” Chris stammered.

“Are we going steady? Can I be your boyfriend?” Mark asked, feeling giddy.

“Hah… you’re moving fast. Let’s see how one date goes. Maybe we’re not compatible at all, maybe… I suck at kissing. Let’s see,” Chris said.

“That’s not what I’ve heard. But I love your optimism,” Mark smiled.

“Beth?” Chris asked, frowning with disbelief. Who could have told Mark about his kissing skills with any degree of trustworthiness?

“’Men’s International Top 10 Smart Sexy Guys You Should Be Dating’, number 8!” Mark replied.

“Ugh…” Chris groaned, remembering why he should never answer any interview questions sarcastically.

Mark figured the three minutes were almost up. “Then it’s agreed. Are you ready to head back? I’m ready for anything,” he smiled, and moved towards the door. If he was going to keep this secret, he’d better lose this excitement a bit. A Lot. 

“Wait,” Chris said. He grabbed Mark’s arm and pulled him up to his side. “May I kiss you?” Chris asked.

 _Oh fuck yes._ Without answering Mark reached up behind Chris’ head and pulled him closer. Their lips met, and Mark closed his eyes and drowned in the moment. He could forget the entire rest of humanity existed like this. He pressed on and Chris softly moaned as Mark’s tongue slipped inside his mouth. Mark considered doing the same, as Chris had placed one hand on the back of his pants and began to squeeze. Within seconds they had become completely lost in each other.

The handle on the door next to them began to turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's up with these doors eh!  
> [The slightly too explicit playlist](http://8tracks.com/aresiii/when-i-think-of-you)  
> Again, suggestions for more songs always welcome :D


End file.
